In some cultures, it is highly polite to belch loudly after a meal. (And you wonder why I think manners are ridiculous.) This brings several questions to mind.
What if you can't burp on demand?
What if you're sick, and you throw up every time you burp? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of eating the meal?
What if the meal was something bland, and you can only manage a weak burp?
What if you choke on the burp?
How many times can one possibly say the word burp in a single post?
Anyway, I was wondering, and this kind of goes along the lines of Rock Music and Mennonites, will it be impolite to burp in Heaven?
When I brought this up earlier, my dad questioned the glorified body's ability to burp. Of course we'll be able to burp. Jesus could eat after the resurrection, couldn't He? And if you can eat, you can swallow. If you can swallow, you can burp.
But will we be allowed to?
Friday, July 1, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Take music lessons from Jubal.
For those among you who don't read your Bibles, Jubal is the "father of all such as handle the harp and organ." (Genesis 4:21.) Now obviously I want to meet him. Organs are the coolest intsruments ever that I play, and harps are the coolest intruments ever that I don't play, except maybe the glass armonica. But there were no glass armonicas in Jubal's day, they were invented by Benjamin Franklin, don't you know.
Now, as all we literal, six-day creationists know, people were WAY smarter back then. And also taller. Which means Jubal had bigger hands than us, which means he was better at playing the organ, except that the word for "organ" may not have been translated correctly. Those things are really complicated instruments.
Now, I know what you're thinking. The world hates Christianity. The world hates really old music slightly less, but still a lot, especially in America, so maybe the whole "Jubal Fan Club" will be a pretty small niche, but try not to be too jealous when you see me taking music lessons from Jubal along with J.S. Bach and Bono. Not to mention Chuck Norris. I'm sure he's always wanted to learn the harp.
Now, as all we literal, six-day creationists know, people were WAY smarter back then. And also taller. Which means Jubal had bigger hands than us, which means he was better at playing the organ, except that the word for "organ" may not have been translated correctly. Those things are really complicated instruments.
Now, I know what you're thinking. The world hates Christianity. The world hates really old music slightly less, but still a lot, especially in America, so maybe the whole "Jubal Fan Club" will be a pretty small niche, but try not to be too jealous when you see me taking music lessons from Jubal along with J.S. Bach and Bono. Not to mention Chuck Norris. I'm sure he's always wanted to learn the harp.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wonder about rock music and Mennonites.
We just finished school for the year. This year, my sister took a course called "Home Ec," which is short for Home Economics or Home Ecomony or Homemade Ectoplasms or something. Anyway, it's a course made by the Mennonites. (Yes, I know Mennonites came last in the title, not first. It just sounded catchier that way.) Apparently, your feet have to point straight forward, not in or out, while you walk, women can't ever cut their hair, and you aren't supposed to wear bright colors.
Now, I personally am not on board with any of those beliefs, but I think God still loves me. I think God loves bright colors. He created colors. He created the blue of the sky and the red of roses and the redorangeyellowgreenblueindigoviolet of the rainbow and the lime green of the Kermit the Frog hat that the afore-mentioned sister just bought, because she is not a Mennonite and doesn't mind wearing bright colors.
Anyway, that's not even the point. The point is, Mennonites have very conservative beliefs, and the rest of us don't. But what's going to happen in Heaven? See, this is like the food offered to idols that Paul talked about. If you didn't think it was wrong to eat food offered to idols, then you could go ahead and do it, but if you DID think it was wrong, and you did it anyway, that was a sin, not because you ate the meat, but because you were faithless...or something. I don't remember exactly what the Bible says. But it DOES pretty clearly say that this is a gray area. Now, obviously there isn't going to be any meat in Heaven that's been offered to idols, but what if all of our heavenly robes are like Joseph's coat of many colors? What will the Mennonites wear? What if we wear sweet black and blue capes like Megamind? (Ok, I admit that one would be a stretch of the imagination.) What if we wear medieval tights and tunics that are covered in peacock feathers and glitter and would glow in the dark if there was any darkness in Heaven?
On a side note, I guess there is a little something biblical to the no-bright-clothes belief. After all, God clothed Adam and Eve in an animal skin...not the peacock feathers. He must have had a reason for that. Perhaps it was that the peacock wouldn't have had to die, and then we wouldn't have that nice type that demonstrates that without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sins, but that's not very likely.
While we're talking about Adam and Eve...what if we don't wear clothes at all?
Let's talk about rock music before this gets really weird...
Now, if you are a conservative or a fundamentalist (also known as a "Baptist"), if you don't know anything else, you know one thing: rock and roll is a SIN.
Why, you ask?
Well, maybe I'm a rebellious child of a Baptist or something, but I'm not sure.
Actually, I don't believe that any style of music can be inherently wrong. I don't think heavy metal is a crime against God.
I think it's a crime against music.
But just because something is stupid doesn't mean it's a sin.
I understand the logic here, though. I mean, if you're playing music at fifty thousand decibels, and nobody can understand the words, and you're not singing but screaming, can that really bring glory to God? What about those lyrics that nobody can understand? Was it really Stryper's place to say "To hell with the devil"? I've always felt a little uncomfortable with that phrase. Just one more reason I don't listen to Stryper, I guess. "Jesus scared the hell out of me" is a little better. But it's not rock, so what's it doing here?
I feel your pain, Christian rockstars. Well, not really, but I can understand why you might find this frustrating. However, maybe the fundamentalists hate you not just because of your music, but because your hair is half pink and half glow in the dark, you've got Psalm 23 tattooed on your back in Hebrew, and you've got a chain linking the piercing between your eyes and the piercing on the bottom of your jaw. At least that's where we think it is; it's hidden in your pointy goatee. You know, the kind of goatee that everybody knows Satan has.
But what will happen in Heaven? What if people are still playing that music? Will God just arrange it so that no Baptists are ever around when people are playing it? Or will we realize that's it not wrong, or will they realize that it is? Will Heaven be partitioned off?
Will we even be singing the same kind of music in Heaven? Maybe not. Maybe we'll be singing music that's so new and awesome, the greatest music we have now will become the music that plays in Heaven's elevators. After all, the Bible does say "Sing unto the Lord a NEW song," and if we're not applying the Bible in Heaven, where can we apply it?
I also officially give that verse, for free, to the people who favor the Contemporary Service over the Traditional one.
Now, I personally am not on board with any of those beliefs, but I think God still loves me. I think God loves bright colors. He created colors. He created the blue of the sky and the red of roses and the redorangeyellowgreenblueindigoviolet of the rainbow and the lime green of the Kermit the Frog hat that the afore-mentioned sister just bought, because she is not a Mennonite and doesn't mind wearing bright colors.
Anyway, that's not even the point. The point is, Mennonites have very conservative beliefs, and the rest of us don't. But what's going to happen in Heaven? See, this is like the food offered to idols that Paul talked about. If you didn't think it was wrong to eat food offered to idols, then you could go ahead and do it, but if you DID think it was wrong, and you did it anyway, that was a sin, not because you ate the meat, but because you were faithless...or something. I don't remember exactly what the Bible says. But it DOES pretty clearly say that this is a gray area. Now, obviously there isn't going to be any meat in Heaven that's been offered to idols, but what if all of our heavenly robes are like Joseph's coat of many colors? What will the Mennonites wear? What if we wear sweet black and blue capes like Megamind? (Ok, I admit that one would be a stretch of the imagination.) What if we wear medieval tights and tunics that are covered in peacock feathers and glitter and would glow in the dark if there was any darkness in Heaven?
On a side note, I guess there is a little something biblical to the no-bright-clothes belief. After all, God clothed Adam and Eve in an animal skin...not the peacock feathers. He must have had a reason for that. Perhaps it was that the peacock wouldn't have had to die, and then we wouldn't have that nice type that demonstrates that without the shedding of blood there is no remission of sins, but that's not very likely.
While we're talking about Adam and Eve...what if we don't wear clothes at all?
Let's talk about rock music before this gets really weird...
Now, if you are a conservative or a fundamentalist (also known as a "Baptist"), if you don't know anything else, you know one thing: rock and roll is a SIN.
Why, you ask?
Well, maybe I'm a rebellious child of a Baptist or something, but I'm not sure.
Actually, I don't believe that any style of music can be inherently wrong. I don't think heavy metal is a crime against God.
I think it's a crime against music.
But just because something is stupid doesn't mean it's a sin.
I understand the logic here, though. I mean, if you're playing music at fifty thousand decibels, and nobody can understand the words, and you're not singing but screaming, can that really bring glory to God? What about those lyrics that nobody can understand? Was it really Stryper's place to say "To hell with the devil"? I've always felt a little uncomfortable with that phrase. Just one more reason I don't listen to Stryper, I guess. "Jesus scared the hell out of me" is a little better. But it's not rock, so what's it doing here?
I feel your pain, Christian rockstars. Well, not really, but I can understand why you might find this frustrating. However, maybe the fundamentalists hate you not just because of your music, but because your hair is half pink and half glow in the dark, you've got Psalm 23 tattooed on your back in Hebrew, and you've got a chain linking the piercing between your eyes and the piercing on the bottom of your jaw. At least that's where we think it is; it's hidden in your pointy goatee. You know, the kind of goatee that everybody knows Satan has.
But what will happen in Heaven? What if people are still playing that music? Will God just arrange it so that no Baptists are ever around when people are playing it? Or will we realize that's it not wrong, or will they realize that it is? Will Heaven be partitioned off?
Will we even be singing the same kind of music in Heaven? Maybe not. Maybe we'll be singing music that's so new and awesome, the greatest music we have now will become the music that plays in Heaven's elevators. After all, the Bible does say "Sing unto the Lord a NEW song," and if we're not applying the Bible in Heaven, where can we apply it?
I also officially give that verse, for free, to the people who favor the Contemporary Service over the Traditional one.
The Introduction and the Disclaimer
Yes, this is the third blog I've started, but this one has a much higher chance of being successful. Why, you ask?
Because it's about Heaven.
A blog about an infinite subject gives me an infinite amount of things to write about.
It's also a good thing, because it's a biblical subject, which will be a good testimony for that one person who reads it and is not named "mom" or "Morgan Albertson." (How about that shout-out I just gave you two? Heaven's going to be .000001% awesomer for you now, because it really can't get a whole lot more awesome.)
All this being said, there is a two-part disclaimer.
Part One
This list is incomplete. A complete list would be infinite.
Part Two
I'm not going to write posts about obvious stuff, like "Worship God all the time." Of COURSE we're going to do that. That's kind of the point of life and the creation of the universe.
That being said, let us proceed to the first post: Rock music and Mennonites.
Because it's about Heaven.
A blog about an infinite subject gives me an infinite amount of things to write about.
It's also a good thing, because it's a biblical subject, which will be a good testimony for that one person who reads it and is not named "mom" or "Morgan Albertson." (How about that shout-out I just gave you two? Heaven's going to be .000001% awesomer for you now, because it really can't get a whole lot more awesome.)
All this being said, there is a two-part disclaimer.
Part One
This list is incomplete. A complete list would be infinite.
Part Two
I'm not going to write posts about obvious stuff, like "Worship God all the time." Of COURSE we're going to do that. That's kind of the point of life and the creation of the universe.
That being said, let us proceed to the first post: Rock music and Mennonites.
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